The relationship with my son.

When I was growing up, I had good parents. My Mother was and still is, always there for me. My dad was not the kind of a man I would consider a very loving dad. He nonetheless did what he could do, the best way he could, but I expected a father to be much more and  he fell short in that department.
However, it was because of the way he was that made me who I am today with my son. Now granted it also requires the son to be of a certain temperament for that to gel so to speak, so definitely all the blame cannot and will not go to my father. But I learned a VERY  IMPORTANT FACT about raising a child. First one must understand that recognition of situations in the family comes first from me. SIGHT AND HEARING AND NEED.  One cannot expect a child to recognize errors and direction if he has not been in this world for very long and it is unjust to expect the adults good judgment  actions from a child. Therefore we must watch body language, The body language will tell you if they understands situations or not by the confused look in their eyes or their apprehension by fidgeting. We must listen because they will tell you indirectly how they feel about such things that they are concerned with even if to you it is trivial. But NEED, ( THAT ) is were we fail in as parents because need is a driving agent for an outcome. Need drives everyone to do things that manifest itself in a wide variety of ways, and it is the failure to see the needs of those that cause them to make choices that effect them and everyone else. Think about it. When you are hungry, you eat . Get hungry enough and you will do something drastic to fill the need. When you are lonely, you will set yourself up for a downfall just to be wanted. Even revenge is an inner need that requires satisfaction .
BUT A CHILD, the child is ALL ABOUT NEED. His strongest need is ( in MY opinion ) a friend.
Human nature resents obligation by force and a child is HUMAN and though the things we do are for the good of the child, they only see force. BUT!!!! if you are their friend then they will except the advice given if given as a friend. It was easier for me as a parent because my son IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN MY BEST FRIEND. Friends do things for each other that they would not normally do otherwise. And I have ALWAYS told my son that he is my best friend and that no one can take his place BUT that I am also his father and that a father must correct his child when no other options can be found. Most importantly!!! Speak to them as they are your equal, FOR THEY ARE. They are the better part of you but your equal and they WILL see that. Your words are the creators of the future and they are your future. MY DAD use to grab a belt, switch  or anything he could find that wouldn't actually kill us and then beat us until he felt vindicated. The way I chose to do things was FIRST make my son my best friend. Secondly, if it came down to chastisement, the way I did it went like this. I would tell him not to do something and then explain WHY I didn't want him to do it and then reaffirmed that it was because he is my best friend and that I loved him and didn't want him to get hurt. I would ask him if he understood what the reasoning for my stopping him and he would say yes or no. We would work through the whys until he had no question about it because, questions always need answers either by the parent explaining or they will get their answers on their own. And that can be a bad thing sometimes. If he did it again , I would go through the whole process again BUT with a promise at the end. That should he do it again, then as his Father I would have to punish him. HERE IT IS VERY IMPORTANT. IF YOU PROMISE ANYTHING TO YOUR CHILDREN, KEEP IT!!!
When he did it again THAT'S when I would chastise him, but in no way as my Father did to me. I would give him a swat with the belt, one for each time I told him not to do it. It NEVER went pass three. BEFORE I would carry out the punishment I would go through the whole process again only now I had to tell him that I had to keep my promise to him and chastise him for his actions because I had given my word and I had to keep it, but MOST IMPORTANTLY was that I loved him.
He grew up with this type of teachings and he never gave me any problems as I did to my Father.
Teachers begged me not to leave and take him, He graduated early and had an  President of the United States letter of invitation that certain students get to go to meet the President and others. He is an artist, has written a script or to and has everyone's affection . The sad part for him is that the only girl he has ever loved could not see his value. And though that to me is truly an insult, His words to me were, You can't make someone love you dad. How true I think but how sad that she would throw away a chance to know a real man such as he, for he is a far better man than I could EVER be.  Love your children but make them your best friends as a Parent. It is easier to be a Parent when you are the best of friends.           ...................Ted 

Another part of a lifetime

I am no story teller, but I'll tell you a true story of another time of my life. But first let me say that no story I tell of myself will ever be fictional. They are real! I married a girl in Old Mexico when I was 23, and about 7 months later I had to take my sister to the states to be operated on in Houston by a Dr. Cooley. He is a heart surgeon. My sister had a very bad heart and he tried to save her, but she died while I held her hand. On the day that I was taking her to the states, and as she started to get into the truck, she stopped and turned and looked at my wife and said, You take care of my little boy and then climbed in. that was the last time my wife ever saw her. As it turned out, it was a boy that we had. he weighed in at 10 lbs. when he was born. At the time of his birth, they did not allow the fathers into the delivery rooms as they do here, but as I was waiting outside the doors I heard my wife calling out to me. I went in. The Dr. yelled for me to leave and I told him I wasn't leaving. This went on for several times and he finally told someone to bring me a robe and mask. I then watch my son come into the world but not without difficulty. He was turned around wrong. They used forceps to turn him and cut her to get him out. After he was delivered, they took her to a room and after she as settled in, I went to ask to see my son. They brought me another boy instead. Had I not been in there I would not have known. I told them that the boy was not mine and told them what he looked like for he was light complected and he had black hair and green eyes. the boy they brought was not him. They finally found him and brought him to me. I brought him and his mother to the states where I could better provide for them. We went to Victoria Texas and it was there that at the age of 2 months old, I took him in for a check up and found out that he had walking pneumonia. They kept him in the hospital for 2 weeks while they ran tubes down in him and stuck him with needles until his little legs had knots all through them. They also said he was to fat because he weighed 20 lbs. I told them, Didn't you say that at the age of 2 months that he should double his weight? They said yes but that he was still to fat. So when they brought him some food, I followed them back to where they stored it and stole some when they were not looking and then stood guard while my wife fed him. Now time has passed and we are living in Portland Oregon. We had gotten there the day after the mountain erupted and it was a bad time to look for work. Finally we found some work but by that time the lights were shut off on the house we rented. We didn't complain, we couldn't pay yet so we got a candle, a kin kade,  and a coleman lantern. Now my son was turning 2 years old on this day. We got home from work at the same time our babysitter brought our son home and we went into the house together. I ignited the candle which was on top of the wood burning stove then went to light the kin kade ( oil based lantern ) for I had already tried to light the coleman lantern and it wouldn't work. I thought that maybe I had put to much fuel into it so I poured some of it out into a plastic cup and put it up onto a cornered nick knack shelf. Then I went to light the kin kade. My son at the age of 2 was and always has been very strong and he would at the age of 2 , would lift a 5 gal bucket of drywall mud and move it a couple of inches at a time until he could reach the pool table of my brothers, and then climb up and push the balls around. I forgot this while my wife and I were filling the kin kade. It was then that we heard a short yell and then my wife screamed and took off, I turned in time to see my son passing the door on flames from his knees up. I dropped the kin kade and ran out to them in time to see my son falling to the floor and my wife dropping down beside him trying to pat out the flames. I grabbed her by the shoulder and tried to move her but she felt like a ton of bricks. I grabbed her again and this time she felt like a feather as I tossed her back across the room. I can still see the bottom of her feet as she flew backwards. She landed and popped right back up but by that time I was rolling my son back and forth but the flames would not go out, so I rolled him onto his back then I laid on top of him to smother out the flames with my body. There was still some flames coming out both sides. I patted out one side while my wife patted out the other. When they were out I picked him up. His nose was almost burnt through on one side , his lips were turned inside out, and his cheeks were peeled. His little hands were peeled back to. As we held him my wife was screaming , MY SON"S BEEN BURNED over and over. My son looked at his mother and after all that he had been through said to her, It's ok mama, Don't cry. We rushed him to the hospital and all the while my son NEVER cried  from the moment that he got burned till he was completely well.  I THANK GOD that he didn't breath in the hot air while he was burning and that he didn't scar very much. I am BLESSED. Since then I have almost lost him twice more due to head on collisions when he first started driving. The day that we brought him home after he was born I held him up towards the heaven and I thanked GOD for him but that I was giving him back to him, for who better to protect him than GOD ALMIGHTY. 

SHORT TRUE CHILDHOOD STORIE

When I was 14, I lived in a small town of Chammal Tamaulipas Mexico.
This small town was surrounded by  mountains and at this time of year there was extreme heat.
The mountains has phosphorus, and it would ignite if the temperature spiked and set fire to the vegetation. This one particular time, the temperature was so high that all around us the mountains were on fire.  There was smoke everywhere. The natural heat and the burning vegetation caused the temperature to rise in town till we felt like we were cooking. So anybody that could, we would head to the river to cool down. But one day while my friend Manuel, my brother Ralph and I were setting in the shade at the house, we began to hear the sound of helicopters coming, it was then that we noticed the soldiers coming into town and at gun point began to pick men up on the streets and fly them into the mountains to fight the fires. It didn't take me long to put 2 and 2 together and figure out that we would soon be flying up there ourselves.  No one was prepared for this. I kind of doubted that they would have taken my brother and I but we knew they would have taken our friend Manuel, but then again , WHO KNOWS ...Anyways, I told Manuel to follow me and we went up on top of our roof of the house because it was flat and had a large tamarindo tree growing next to it with heavy foliage, that way we could hide and not be seen by the soldiers and the helicopter pilots. In the end it was a good thing that we did that because later we heard how two of the soldiers were attacked up there by some mountain lion though it seems a little far fetched to me and that a couple of other people were hurt in the process of fighting the fire.   This is not the only thing that has happened to me and later I'll post some of my river running experiences. I hope you enjoy reading these and would appreciate some feedback .  Your Friend ....Ted

WITH LOVE TO WHO

I wrote this for my mother....

                           WITH LOVE TO WHO                                          


Who has a devotion of unlimited supply,
When my emotions are low and I want to cry.
When my heart is rendered into a thousand pieces,
Who gives me support when I most need it.
Who loves me always and trusted me more,
Without any doubt both after and before.
Who stood for me , not knowing I lied,
And then truth found out, took me aside.
Chastised me with love though I didn't see,
The chastise that was given, I really did need.
And now that I'm older , with fondness I find,
No sweeter a who, than this mom of mine.